It seems that I always start the same way. From the beginning or a new beginning. Whatever that means. How can I start at the beginning? The beginning was the day that I was born and to be honest, I have no interest is reliving the last 24 years of my tumultuous life. So where or when do I start? And what I am I starting? I seem to always have an idea of what I'm starting. Like, I'm "starting to lose weight" or I'm "starting to get healthy." But I'm beginning to see a problem with this whole "starting" idea. First of all, it would mean that I would have to "finish" it. And honestly, I'm not good at finishing anything. It is taking me nearly 7 years to finish my undergraduate degree (still not finished). I can't remember the last book I finished reading, and finishing an assignment for class is excruciating. So if starting something means that I have to finish it, that's probably not the best way to approach my life.
So what am I doing then? I guess I'm living... It is really hard to maintain that mindset of "living in the moment" mostly because we live in a time-sensitive world. I have plans tomorrow, I have plans next week, I have stuff I have to do between this moment and the next. So how do I live in the moment?
OK so there's some stuff for me to think about. And it is all related to the fact that I'm unhappy. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I am "happy" in the sense that I have great friends, a wonderful boyfriend and am pretty healthy. But ultimately I feel as though I'm not living my life. When I say my life, I mean is that my external life is not matching who I am internally. Inside I'm this confident, joyous, health conscious, spiritual, sexy, athletic, adventurous gypsy. And on the outside I'm a leader, organizer, clinically obese, overwhelmed, overworked, spiritually unfulfilled, sexually unsatisfied student.
OK... epiphany. These are all "intersecting" traits of my identity. All this time I was thinking that my weight was holding me back entirely but now I see that my weight is only one part of who I am (and now I'm remembering when my boyfriend tried to convince me of this before)! Being a Women's, Gender and Sexuality Studies student, I had always understood how my identity in relation to politics is very inter-sectional, in that I am a woman, I am half Japanese, part white, part native American, working poor, and a student. But now I see so much more of how unique I really am.
So now what? Well I guess that I should do what I can today.
Maybe I can try to just do things every day that fulfill my internal self and ignores my external self (because that's not who I really am anyway).
Health-conscious Alisha ate today:
Breakfast: Yogurt cup
2 egg white scramble with mushrooms, green bell pepper, and a slice of colby cheese.
Confident Alisha wrote honestly in her blog today
Joyous Alisha
Spiritual Alisha - will mediate today
Adventurous Alisha
Athletic Alisha - will go to the gym today
Sexy Alisha - will wear some jewelry today
Gypsy Alisha
I only have to worry about today.
So what am I doing then? I guess I'm living... It is really hard to maintain that mindset of "living in the moment" mostly because we live in a time-sensitive world. I have plans tomorrow, I have plans next week, I have stuff I have to do between this moment and the next. So how do I live in the moment?
OK so there's some stuff for me to think about. And it is all related to the fact that I'm unhappy. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I am "happy" in the sense that I have great friends, a wonderful boyfriend and am pretty healthy. But ultimately I feel as though I'm not living my life. When I say my life, I mean is that my external life is not matching who I am internally. Inside I'm this confident, joyous, health conscious, spiritual, sexy, athletic, adventurous gypsy. And on the outside I'm a leader, organizer, clinically obese, overwhelmed, overworked, spiritually unfulfilled, sexually unsatisfied student.
OK... epiphany. These are all "intersecting" traits of my identity. All this time I was thinking that my weight was holding me back entirely but now I see that my weight is only one part of who I am (and now I'm remembering when my boyfriend tried to convince me of this before)! Being a Women's, Gender and Sexuality Studies student, I had always understood how my identity in relation to politics is very inter-sectional, in that I am a woman, I am half Japanese, part white, part native American, working poor, and a student. But now I see so much more of how unique I really am.
So now what? Well I guess that I should do what I can today.
Maybe I can try to just do things every day that fulfill my internal self and ignores my external self (because that's not who I really am anyway).
Health-conscious Alisha ate today:
Breakfast: Yogurt cup
2 egg white scramble with mushrooms, green bell pepper, and a slice of colby cheese.
Confident Alisha wrote honestly in her blog today
Joyous Alisha
Spiritual Alisha - will mediate today
Adventurous Alisha
Athletic Alisha - will go to the gym today
Sexy Alisha - will wear some jewelry today
Gypsy Alisha
I only have to worry about today.
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