Tonight, I prepare for tomorrow. Now more than at any other time in my life I feel like I am about to embark into a new journey, shedding, like a cocoon, the first 24 years of my life.
My life is about to expand to allow new and exciting experiences into my life. In order to prepare and make space for Alisha and her beautiful life, I have to release some lingering "things" (emotions, ideas, beliefs).
1. I don't have to be perfect.
Wow that one came out of nowhere (or has it always sat close to the surface?) This is important for me because I've always placed a lot of pressure on myself to lead by example. I always felt the need to prove to others that I am worthy of their time, money, etc. The need to be perfect seriously contributed to a long period of anxiety induced stress and a few severe panic attacks. Striving for perfection or excellence in school or at my jobs was a way for me to convince others that I was better than my body.
2. My body is amazing
For the past 25 years, my body has always been there for me. I've had very good health my whole life aside from the chronic back pain and obesity, I am only "at risk" for certain diseases, and have somehow staved off diabetes. My doctors are always shocked that I am no where close to high cholesterol or high blood pressure. Each time the results come back I breathe a sigh of relief that I made it another year without some life altering diagnosis. That said, my body is not only relatively healthy, but also strong. I can lift quite a bit of weight by myself. I've also always been really flexible. My body loves stretching and actually likes being active in general. It also can heal itself. Of course I need to help it by providing the right foods and exercise but overall, my body does its normal functioning pretty well without much intervention.
3. I can't save everyone I love
This is a tough one because I have always felt the urge to take responsibility for other people's happiness. This probably started in childhood. I seemed to be shrouded in sadness and chaos as a child. I figured out that if I was nice to others and loved everyone, then I could help make them happy. This was all based on the belief that happiness is what is ideal for everyone. I still believe this to be an ideal, however I believe now that "happiness" for everyone is not always the same thing. I also now believe that I cannot make everyone happy. Some people may not like me, and that is fine. When I give advice and try to help others, and they don't take my advice, then it doesn't matter. Everyone is living their own life, inclusive of all the things they are willing to tolerate. Rather than spending so much time trying to save others. I should work on saving myself, before I am completely lost.
4. If I want to keep the friends I like, I have to reach out.
Over the last few years I have gone from having too many friends to count, to having only a few to talk to. It doesn't really matter how many friends a person has, it mostly matters the quality. I've lost a lot of friends of quality over the years. I think instead of trying to reach back to old friends, I'm just going to try to be better friends to the ones I have now. I need to be cultivating strong, sincere, honest friendships. In order to that I need to be present. I need to show up.
In celebration of living 25 complete years of life, I'm going to commit to loving and honoring myself. My top priorities for this, my first year of discovering and falling in love with my true self are:
1. Emotional Health
- More feelings of peace
- More feelings of joy
- More music, art, and poetry
2. Mental Health
- More meditation
- More reading
- More puzzles
3. Nutritional Health
- Nutritious Meals
- Daily vitamins and supplements
- Detoxes
4. Physical Health
- Daily movement
- Weekly yoga/meditation
- Daily stretching
5. Healthful Beauty
- Natural body treatments
- Natural skin treatments
- Natural hair treatments
Happy Birthday Alisha. Enjoy it because you deserve it.
My life is about to expand to allow new and exciting experiences into my life. In order to prepare and make space for Alisha and her beautiful life, I have to release some lingering "things" (emotions, ideas, beliefs).
1. I don't have to be perfect.
Wow that one came out of nowhere (or has it always sat close to the surface?) This is important for me because I've always placed a lot of pressure on myself to lead by example. I always felt the need to prove to others that I am worthy of their time, money, etc. The need to be perfect seriously contributed to a long period of anxiety induced stress and a few severe panic attacks. Striving for perfection or excellence in school or at my jobs was a way for me to convince others that I was better than my body.
2. My body is amazing
For the past 25 years, my body has always been there for me. I've had very good health my whole life aside from the chronic back pain and obesity, I am only "at risk" for certain diseases, and have somehow staved off diabetes. My doctors are always shocked that I am no where close to high cholesterol or high blood pressure. Each time the results come back I breathe a sigh of relief that I made it another year without some life altering diagnosis. That said, my body is not only relatively healthy, but also strong. I can lift quite a bit of weight by myself. I've also always been really flexible. My body loves stretching and actually likes being active in general. It also can heal itself. Of course I need to help it by providing the right foods and exercise but overall, my body does its normal functioning pretty well without much intervention.
3. I can't save everyone I love
This is a tough one because I have always felt the urge to take responsibility for other people's happiness. This probably started in childhood. I seemed to be shrouded in sadness and chaos as a child. I figured out that if I was nice to others and loved everyone, then I could help make them happy. This was all based on the belief that happiness is what is ideal for everyone. I still believe this to be an ideal, however I believe now that "happiness" for everyone is not always the same thing. I also now believe that I cannot make everyone happy. Some people may not like me, and that is fine. When I give advice and try to help others, and they don't take my advice, then it doesn't matter. Everyone is living their own life, inclusive of all the things they are willing to tolerate. Rather than spending so much time trying to save others. I should work on saving myself, before I am completely lost.
4. If I want to keep the friends I like, I have to reach out.
Over the last few years I have gone from having too many friends to count, to having only a few to talk to. It doesn't really matter how many friends a person has, it mostly matters the quality. I've lost a lot of friends of quality over the years. I think instead of trying to reach back to old friends, I'm just going to try to be better friends to the ones I have now. I need to be cultivating strong, sincere, honest friendships. In order to that I need to be present. I need to show up.
In celebration of living 25 complete years of life, I'm going to commit to loving and honoring myself. My top priorities for this, my first year of discovering and falling in love with my true self are:
1. Emotional Health
- More feelings of peace
- More feelings of joy
- More music, art, and poetry
2. Mental Health
- More meditation
- More reading
- More puzzles
3. Nutritional Health
- Nutritious Meals
- Daily vitamins and supplements
- Detoxes
4. Physical Health
- Daily movement
- Weekly yoga/meditation
- Daily stretching
5. Healthful Beauty
- Natural body treatments
- Natural skin treatments
- Natural hair treatments
Happy Birthday Alisha. Enjoy it because you deserve it.
