Pre workout 3

I don't want to workout today.
1. I'm sore
2. I'm tried
3.
Ok so I only have two reasons for not working out today. I guess that I'm not that sore... Maybe coffee?

UPDATE: After this moment, I texted my trainer about how I was feeling, here's what she said:
Me: Hey ___ , I'm really feeling kind of tired today and am fighting to use that as an excuse not to work out today. Do you have any suggestions? Is coffee ok? I try to avoid it if I can.
Her: I know exactly how you feel, but I'm actually getting ready for a workout myself. As hard as it may be to get started that really is the most difficult part. You'll have much more energy once you get moving. Its scientifically proven! (Nerdy, I know). Do you have an orange or something citrus-y? The smell awakens you instantly!
Me: Mmm orange. I will definitely grab one before heading over to the gym. Thank you! :D
I'm still going to do it!
Her: I'll probably see you! Lol  You got this girl!

So I sucked it up, and I actually ended up having an awesome workout. Having a trainer is amazing!

Love yourself Post workout 2

So many people struggle with body image issues, low self-esteem, and eating disorders. Remember to love yourself today first before expressing your love to others. You are beautiful, loved, and valuable even if you don't quite see it yet.- Who said that? Oh that's right, I did!


Today in class I said that my hobby right now is going to the gym and I really meant it. It didn't sound foreign in my head, it sounded honest. After class a friend/classmate of mine, asked me when I work out, looking for a buddy. That was really great because I consider her to be really beautiful and fit. I know that most people feel like they don't work out enough but it was nice to hear support from someone who I admire. She was really kind and encouraging about it. Maybe we'll work out together sometime. Myriam and I had talked about going to the gym together every Tuesday but being valentine's day, she went home early to be with her hubby. Paul seemed a little upset that I was going to be home late again tonight but he didn't say anything. I have to remember to thank him again for being so supportive.
Today I watched an episode of ”I used to be fat” on MTV. The episode was really inspiring and made me cry. I just keep reminding myself that I am the only one that can get in my way right now, and past Alisha is gone. Future Alisha is finally finding her place and her voice.
Today I fought a little bit with myself about whether or not to do 30 mins of cardio. Stefanie wrote that I had to do between 25 and 30 mins. around the 16 min mark, I was thinking that I would just stop at 25 because it was pretty difficult. By the  time I got to 22 mins it somehow got easier. I mentally and physically pushed myself to that 30 min mark. THEN I timed myself on my planks and I held each one for at least 30 seconds! This was huge since just Saturday I was barely able to do 20 seconds!
Overall a great work out and I'm really proud of myself. I texted Stefanie and got a virtual high five. Now I'm off to spend a wonderful night with my hunny. We're going to make pistachio crusted red snapper and veggies fitter dinner.
Today was a great day

Post Workout 1

Today I worked out in my own. I feel really proud of myself. It was also nice to see Myriam there and we gave each other a pep-talk and said how proud we were of each other. I saw Lucas there too in the weight area. He gave me a hug and seemed impressed that I was there working out. That really encouraged me because I was surrounded by 4 fit guys lifting like 20lb weights at least. I feel like that could have been really intimidating but I just didn't let negative thoughts come into my mind. I don't care if other people look at me or judge because of the way I look because I know that I'm there working hard to change. I'm a little concerned about my knees but I'm hoping that after I build up some strength that the pain will go away. The hardest workouts today were the one arm row on the left. My left arm has a lot of pain, it is the sorest part of my body. I tried to massage it in order to get the dumbbell up but it was REALLY difficult. I am concerned that it is injured since the other arm feels fine.  planks were difficult and I didn't time myself. I just held it add long as I could and then held it for another 5 seconds (or tired to anyway). I also saw Stefanie and got an awesome high five from her. It made me feel really good to see familiar faces and to get encouragement. Afterwards I called Michele and cliff who were both so impressed and proud that I'll taking care of myself. I only wish that I ate more food today. Too few calories and now I'm starving!

Personal Training!

So at my campus, there is a state of the art gym. All students pay membership fees and there are some awesome perks that come with it. I signed up and went to my free fitness assessment on Friday February 3rd. For the first time I feel totally emotionally and psychologically ready to actually get healthy. My entire life I have struggled with my weight and now I'm realizing quickly that I am on a direct path toward diabetes and heart disease. At my last doctor's visit I was told that surprisingly, I am very healthy. But I have severe back pain, and possibly a herniated disk. My doctor told me that he wont do a scan of my back until I lose some weight because it would be difficult to even do surgery with my body this size. Additionally, there is a good chance that if I lose some weight, then the pain will go away.

During my fitness assessment I found that I weighed 226 pounds. On my 5'4" frame that makes me obese. Additionally I'm in the "at risk" category for nearly every health related issue because of my size. I've been talking about this with myself, but also my mentor/friend and I feel like I have a really healthy perspective on things right now. When I look in the mirror, I no longer hate myself. I look at my body and I think, "OKAY, this is what your body is right now, this is what you look like, but you are changing it so be happy." This is a complete 180 from moments of complete loss and sadness. I really do feel like I hit rock bottom and now I'm finally swimming to the top.

After my fitness assessment I signed up for orientation, but I also made up my mind to sign up for personal training. I had to pay all of it up front, but it comes out to about $28 per session once a week. The really great part is that my trainer is the same woman who did my assessment and my orientation. Every week she gives me a work out plan that I have to follow. I'm really excited about this new path that I'm forming for myself. I am the architect of my life. I am healthy, strong, and eat well.

Here goes everything!

Here we go

So since my last post, I did quit my organization. I had to deal with a lot of guilt about it, but since the I've told everyone,  I've been feeling so great. I'm finally, for the first time in my life, putting myself first. Here are the commandments for my life

Work out everyday
Drink water everyday
Eat vegetables everyday
Eat fruit everyday
Eat whole grains everyday
Eat meat free everyday

Time for me

So I've been thinking about quiting the organization that I started and am currently the president of. But this its a very difficult decision. I think that the organization is very important and many people are benefiting from its existence, however it is a tremendous amount of work and for the past few years that I have been working on stuff like this, I have simply not had the energy or time for myself. And as a result I have lost self confidence, a healthy body, my sexy curves, and a trim waistline. By giving all I had and then some to others with my organizations and organizing I have left very little for myself.
I want to gain now a healthy life style, confidence to wear anything I want, my sexiness back and a slim waistline.
So I'm afraid to leave because I think that people would resent me for it. Am I too arrogant in thinking that they couldn't go on without me? Or that they would fail because I'm the only one who can do it right? And then I would be the cause of the organization failing?
I guess that I just have to get over it. If it continues then great, if it doesn't then at least I can say I did something important and stood up for what I believed in.
yes  I think I'm ok with that.

One Day At A Time

Today is New Year's Eve, and for many, the day to set some New Year resolutions. I have been fortunate this year to spend the New Year celebrations with one of my best friends from high school. We've been lucky enough to reconnect around this time every year and I always come away from the experience feeling rejuvenated. She always seems to say exactly what I need to hear.

1. I am my own architect
2. I am worthy
3. I am free
4. I am released
5. I am a size 10

I'm starting this year, 2012, with a new attitude. I have already been wanting to change things in my life as a I get ready to graduate in May, most importantly, changing my body before I walk across the stage. I also really want to commit to being vegan.

Why? I am worthy and deserving of feeling and being healthy. The ways in which meat and dairy are processed in the United States basically ensures some kind of serious illness eventually coming from a meat based diet.

For this new year I am committing to the following positive beliefs.

1. I am meat free - meaning I eat only vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, grains
2. I am dairy free - meaning I eat only vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, grains
3. I am worthy and deserving of a beautiful healthy body
4. I am a size 8 (my point of measurement for tangible success - subject to change)

Happy New Year to me!!!